morning pages on monday october 1 2018

Thank God, I’m alive! This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. Therefore I will not spend this day in anger, bitterness, resentment and self-pity. i will paint again and keep going and keep better tabs on my art expenses so i don’t get to crazy with all the paint and supplies but i like this because it helps me stay in focus and to get rid of all the other stuff and the other things that one could use while painting abstract art but it doesn’t matter all that matters is that i press on and keep a consistent body of work and i will do that if all i ever do is push the offset T format into the corner more and keep painting layers, thin layers of paint that all come together under the sun and isnt that troublesome? i personally dont think it is. I listened to a podcast with the famous art critic and reviewer Jerry Saltz. How freeing was that, maybe i will be an art critic of my own work which i need to do. i hope someday he will critic my art for better or for worse it wont matter as long as he gives me his heartfelt opinion on that i can see why it would be helpful to feel the love from Jerry. I digress, actually i dont i don’t have anything to say anymore and the fact that these are Julia Cameron’s morning pages, she says, that once you start you have to keep going. i have to hit 550 words until i do stop and i’m a little over half way which is hopeful because now were dropping like a roller coaster. the first half was the chain that pulled us up and now we are free falling down and i can see the first of many corkscrews and oooph i wish i wouldnt have eaten that corn dog before i got on this stupid thing im not 24 anymore. another 29 years makes a huge difference in how one perceives things at 65mph and pulling close to 2g’s im regretting my choices and we level out and finally we are going up getting slower and slower again which is very nice and smooth like how my face feels after a nice Proraso cream shaved with Harry’s blades and washed away. it feels like you really can start over and you wonder how long you have been going in circles again and in the back of my mind i can hardly wait to get to the art studio again and finish up some paintings and post them all over the place again and wonder why i didn’t hang in there when i did and i have to stop being so negative, that is just stupid on my part and i will overcome whatever funk i’m in right now and keep my focus where it needs to be and i will use less stuff and less things to paint and concentrate on the paint only no matter what. it boils down to the colors and where i place each volume of paint no matter how large and how small it may be carefully one dab at a time softly complicated easy.

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my words im leaving behind on friday september 28 2018

these are complicated times
sweetened by your remembrance of
strong perfume and
rancid cologne.
no wonder he left you

***

im living my dream
i wish my wife could live hers
why do only one of us
get to live in the dreams?

***

a rising secret dream
envious of her hesitant smile
catching him by surprise

***

uncharted reality without
inviting the mind is
within heavenly velvet of a dreamer
poisoned with the illusion of
breaking cold glass
uncovering uncharted volumes.

***

fragrant memories are stolen.
dark secrets suddenly embrace me

these are signed goodbye
each of them contains the fragrance
of surprise: a silent wonder.

***

my surrending heart spun hope
broken, screaming
it hesitated
then flew
binding the glowing warmth within me
and i try to get out but can’t entirely.

***

without your perfect passionate kiss
crashing comfort encompasses space
suddenly close – you are loving
a watery wondering destiny
seductive red romance
forever signed: singing a twist of a missing dream.

***

the good news is
i’ve decided to try again
i can’t quit
because
it is who i am
I AM AN ABSTRACT ARTIST
http://abstractsbybrian.com
I will paint

morning pages for friday september 28 2018

Thank God I’m alive! This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. Therefore I will not spend my day in anger, bitterness, resentment and self-pity.

right out of the gate i have no where to go and im searching and keep looking and i want to write better i want to write big but i need to work at it more slowly in sync and in step to the beat of the world and things around me because its difficult to write bigger when all you do is stay in the little corner in your little office and pretend to see the bigger picture when my view is very limited and i have to be honest with you its hard to make it all up but i try and will continue to try anyway no matter what. I will write and i’ll write lots of bad writing until all the bad writing is out of me and then the only thing left is to write what is good and wholesome and great only the good words will be left to come out and play like a child who gets pushed on the swing the first time the introductory entrance into flight and no where in the world is that complete and worthwhile to see the end in sight but it doesnt really matter in the big scheme of things. yesterday i was looking at the earth and how it relates to the our universe the milky way and then thats when i realized that i would have be drinking a very large milky way shake before i sucked up earth. That’s how big it is and how small we are and to think on that little dot we have these big problems and i wonder how is that possible to have large problems on a little dot but we manage to do this all the time everyday of our lives i think we call it making a milky way out of the earth or maybe it has to do with molehills and mountains but its the same thing but we do i don’t mean to minimize our problems but it flows out of me and into everyone else around me and that is why i need to control my attitude and what i’m doing no matter what and we can see each other clearly no matter how hard we work at being invisible and i think i’m to dis-jointed to bring anything together in a whole. i cant imagine writing a novel where the whole thing would make sense again to visualize the importance of being together in all of the pages and now that i have something i tend not to use it but why i always want it anyways im pretty sure i need a collection of it all to look good on the outside and that is pure vanity why should i bother if thats what all of this amounts to anyways can’t we all be happy and get along? apparently not otherwise we wouldnt be democrats and republicans we would just be people and nothing more nothing less holding hands and putting band-aids onto each other as we walk in pain in this world hoping we can love.

morning pages wednesday september 26 2018

Thank God I’m alive! This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. Therefore I will not spend this day in anger, bitterness, resentment and self-pity. I will write my morning pages and then get on with my life after I clean out my cobwebs of my morning self and put them on paper and see where they may float off of. i have to say im a little excited today ive been into tabletop role playing games for years but i havent played anything i am more of a rules collector i am not into fantasy but science fiction especially mongoose publishing traveller v2 rules i just got the new for me rift expansion and what a bunch of goodies is in there so off exploring i shall go beyond the stars and hopefully back im using it to hopefully cook up some good stories who know what will come of it but it doesnt really matter in the big scheme of things in this world but still looks cool and i think there are lots of things i can mine and make notes about and where it may take me dont know at this point but i shall press on after im done with this actually its 0929 hours in the morning right now and my first piano practice is at 1000 hours so i may finish this up and have my first piano practice right away then i can read and study my new game rules until my lunch break and second piano practice at 1300 hours and then my final one at 1600 hours i got the roast in the crockpot so hopefully that will turn out nice and awesome tonight when my wife comes home to see how well i did and what kind of mess i made the first thing i did this morning was get up and head into the studio to keep painting so far so good i feel pretty good about it but i have to say bright green just isnt one of my favorite colors it looks to off and i miss a good blue i need a nice blue and i dont have any right now i would be tempted to get one tube of it but i do have a nice tube of teal and i could use that i do like that a lot but a nice deep blue would be great the color i like it utrecht i have to say its becoming one of my favorite but anything will do in a pinch no matter how weird everything comes out i guess i could tone it back but i feel more like im putting in time to get this over with so i can read and study traveller but i have to keep on like Julia Cameron says of the morning pages once you start you cant stop and i am almost at my five hundred thirty word limit which is about what i average when i write three pages in my notebook by hand and this saves a lot of ink. no care in the world how one arrives at the port and spaceships and the stars above. (word count 545)

my morning pages on tuesday september 25 2018

Thank God I’m alive! This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. Therefore I will not spend this day in anger, bitterness, resentment and self-pity. I will though stand up for proper bounderies between an adult son and his father. I know I’m breaking one of Julia Cameron’s morning pages rule of not letting anyone read your morning pages. I can understand that it may lead to be me not being honest when I write these and that is the whole point of doing these in the first place, to be honest with yourself to the point of being at fault and poor with your own ego. Not to worry I will be honest and if it would get to honest I would have to pull that section out but i do feel that its important for me to write these morning pages and put them on my blog so others can see that you can do anything you want with these and by reading my morning pages crap you will be encouraged to give it a try yourself but i digress from what i really want to write about this morning. i’m going to be sticking with lower case from now on out. i like this because it helps the words to flow better because i don’t have to worry about hitting the shift key along with another letter key i can instead just concentrate on tapping lightly on the letters themselves and nothing else because very little things in life really matter as much as we think they do or that we think they matter either for that matter. see what i mean anywho i digress and need to keep typing because thats the thing with these morning pages that is once you start you are supposed to keep going my three hand written, and oh that is another thing they are supposed to be hand written but i am converting the original Julia Cameron’s morning pages into the current computerized century we live in now and whereever you are at in case you don’t have physical paper and a pen – a little stick where you press down on it on a surface and ink comes out and i know we all know what a pen is in case you find yourself without any of these items you can still do morning pages i don’t think they should be limited in anyway whatsoever but i am sure Julia Cameron would disagree with me but i think she would be ok with it because of the fact that i am doing it one way or the other and that really is the bottom line as long as you write your morning pages of three who cares how we get there as long as we arrive at the lookout rock together it doesnt matter we will still enjoy everyones company when we are there and by the way i am bring the footlongs i miss those when my dad would take me to one of the Dodger games in California when we used to live there from 1975-79 those were the sweet days filled of fear and wonderment and food that wasn’t amish. (word count 544)

morning pages 092418

I have both my pages that I’ve written by hand as well as it typed out.

 

page 1
I’m alive! Thank God this is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. Therefore I will not spend this day in anger, bitterness, resentment and self-pity. Now this is really where it starts it feels like drudgery, these morning pages always do and I’m tired of them already before I’ve begun but I just keep writing and drawing one word after another and for some reason Julia Cameron thinks this will help me have a better day. That strikes me laughable at this very moment but keep drawing words and I have nothing to say, nothing to say and that is ok because the main thing is I keep drawing words on the page no matter what and I know writing is supposed to free you so you can do and write yourself into any place and wonderment full of adventure and I hate my letter n’s. I should scan this as well as type this and that way you could

page 2
see my sloppy writing by my pen as well as being able to read it down below a above it however it comes out on the computer. I need a a new color of ink. I’m writing this with my Kaweco Perkeo Bad Taste fountain pen inked with Red Drank ink by Diamine. Now I’m using my Lamy Al Star turquoise with a EF nib inked with Serenity Blue by Waterman. I kind of like tis color but later on today I want to do a swab test with a q-tip with all of my blue inks and pick my favorite and go from there. This feels a bit on the violet side of things. I’m looking for a more truer blue but that will all come in due time I keep trying to paint but I can’t seem to bring anything together worth a crap but I will do what I have to and quit Quitting is so much easier than trying harder so if you have something a task that is to difficult to do then quit and move on

page 3
to something else you should quit the bad stuff in your life and seek out the good no matter how difficult things have become for you but press on instead I am so glad right now that this is my last third page of these morning pages and then I can move along and do something else that s stupid no mater what my dad thinks of me I don’t see to be doing much of anything and it doesn’t matter how many legs it has and how far you have to adjust to keep going which reminds me I need to look up Peter Pig miniatures. I want to get into miniature wargaming but I’m a bit put off by the price of the hobby and then there is the space and all the painting and terrain and fore=get it I’m already stressing out and I should do something else and no where am I constricted more so than in my own mind. I think its nonsense that we think we can do anything we want – we cant!

***

I’m glad I typed this all out, now I can see how my word count for each page and for the total as well.
Page 1 = 168 words
page 2 = 182 words
page 3 = 179 words

total = 529
average words/page = 176.33

so then if I type 530 words every morning in my word processor I would have my three pages of handwritten writing.

morning pages scanned p1 092418morning pages scanned p2 092418.jpegmorning pages scanned p3 092418